Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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