Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Drunk is a universal language darling
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
