I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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