DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
