Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
