Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
