i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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