my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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