This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
