Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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