there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
