I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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