wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
