Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
