sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
