We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
