I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
