Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
