D3 body, D1 cock
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
