We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
