As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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