I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
