I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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