carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
