I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
