"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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