some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had to cum in my sink.
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