so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
