a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
