At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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