We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
