the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
