I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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