Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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