omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
