the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
