Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
