I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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