Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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