my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
