"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
