his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
