Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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