Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
