This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
