my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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