Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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