Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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