He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
