I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
