did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you win again, gameday.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
