Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
