apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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