Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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