She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
