I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His nipple licking is glorious
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