We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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