dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think my vagina is haunted
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
