I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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