she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
