Don't make out with my wife yet
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize