i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
