Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
