I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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