I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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