Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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