im drinking this country out of the recession.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
