can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
