Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
