so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
