she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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