where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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