I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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